Biscayne Morning

You drove in silence down

Biscayne Boulevard

and I was in the passenger seat, nervous, anxious, and awkward. Not knowing where we were headed I stole occasional glances out of my window, glances to remind me that we were moving, that I was still alive and not dreaming, after last night we were still here. I grew very impatient with all the bumps on the road from the construction and I had to ask “So, are you okay?” Your answer was a dull “yes, why wouldn’t I”. After punishing myself with silence for the next six minutes for such a stupid question, I went on asking “what happens now?” you looked at me and raised your shoulders in silence. So I took the opportunity to ask “what is your ideal girlfriend type?” but you interrupted me after the word girlfriend to ask me if I was thirsty, I said “sure”.

You pulled up to a gas station and went in to the Quick mart without asking me what kind of drink I wanted. I thought you had forgotten so I went in after you, as I entered I found you with a red-bull on your left hand and a pack of condoms on your right. You looked flabbergasted at seeing that I followed you in to the store, but my big mouth had to ask “what is that? What are you doing with those?” You put the box of Trojans down in their place and said “nothing I was just looking they came up with a new type and I thought I’d read the box, no big deal” I had nothing else to respond so I exited back outside and in to the car, you returned with a small black bag.

            We got back on Biscayne and you began to look under you’re seat, you pulled out a CD which you played while singing along to its track. By then I was a little ticked off at you’re confusing behavior, I couldn’t stop myself from turning down the volume, you protested immediately of course and you asked why I had done that. I answered “why haven’t you answered my questions?”, “I have answered them” you exclaimed. Your carelessness infuriated me and I was at my Breaking point, I yelled “oh yeah you’ve answered them but with misleading comments and actions I don’t know what to think anymore!”, you took a deep breath and said “look I have answered all the questions you’ve asked I don’t see why you are acting this way, lets enjoy the day, look, look at the sunny weather the sky is beautiful, we should go to the beach!”

            I didn’t respond so you turned the music back up and lowered the windows, snapping your fingers and tapping the steering wheel. I told you I felt car sick as an excuse and had you pull over, I was planning on having your full attention so we could really talk things out. You looked over and asked if I felt like throwing up to please do it outside your car. Your comment made me incredibly angry I got out of the car, slammed the door behind me and stood with my hands on my head; you soon joined me and asked me what was wrong. “What’s wrong? You’re going to ask me what’s wrong?” I screeched.” Everything is wrong! You, me, the car, the music, the weather!”. Somehow you convinced me back in to the car and promised the trip would be over soon.

The road was anything but straight and the longer we sat, the more it became apparent that the curves were taking us. I had to close my eyes and open them again. There before us was a massive building, sitting proudly atop a hill. It was the kind of scene that sent shivers through your insides and flooded you with questions you were too afraid to really ask. We drove up on to the driveway but you got out of the truck. No words. Trying to follow you out I got stuck, nervously forgetting that my seatbelt was keeping me prisoner. Your steps were heavy and without compassion. They threw little bits of mud back towards me as you moved forward; caught in a focus I couldn't touch.
            My racing mind distracted me. I don't remember how it is that we got inside. But there we were, in a glass elevator, able to see everything from where we stood going to the 18^th floor. A serenity enveloped us. The air was heavy and seemed to hang without much movement. The elevator beeped with every passing floor, the density was comforting, somehow, and made me a bit sleepy. Suddenly the door opens, we had reached our destination when I noticed the black bag from the gas station in your hand, I remembered you never gave me that drink you had bough me but I changed my focus to the hallway where there was nothing but a long red carpet leading the way and at the end a door where you stopped to open.

You invited me in, nervously I entered “relax feel at home lets enjoy the day, the moment” I yearned to lie down and enter into those worlds of dream that I knew were awaiting me. For some reason it crossed my mind that you had slipped something into my coffee that morning, though I discounted such an idea as soon as it came up. I thought I loved you. And that you loved me after the incredible night we had. I had ditched my long term partner, which had to be worth something to you. As soon as I snapped out of this self induced fog, I saw it. My skin felt suddenly too-small for my body. It tightened against me. My lungs strained to continue breathing. My heart seemed unnaturally close to the surface threatening, it seemed, to jump out of my chest. On the bed there lay the black bag and in it two boxes of condoms. Then I knew, I understood every word, every action, every look, every smile, every hug, every kiss, and every lie.