So, Just Have It!!!

With this paper and this pen
I'll write down how i feel
you'll be the only ones that know
that my smiles are never real

i don't write suicide notes
cause there all stored in my head
if someone doesn't do something soon
you'll all wake up and find me dead

this knife is the only thing
that makes me feel alive
but when i put it down
i feel so dead inside

Pain doesn't hurt
if it's all you've ever felt
they think I'm doing fine
but I'm about to kill myself

What is Confusion?

Is it a bird without water, a bird without wings, like a singsong dove who can no longer sing?
Does it feel similar to a bird falling to the ground and never being found?
Or is it like a bird, but a bird with water, a bird with wings, that suddenly blinks and loses his drink?
Does it portray a bird without memory, who crys and weeps and mostly sleeps?
Or Is it just like me, with no future, who cant even change, not even for the better?